Dear family and friends,
As Peggy and I were shuffling through what seemed like mountains of boxes of old photos, letters, cards and old paper work, I came upon a box of Peggy’s stuff. This one box contained much of the documents, forms, certificates of training completion from a specific hopeful turned desperate season of Peggy’s life. As I looked through some of its contents I could see it would be painful for Peggy to relive these days, yet I didn’t think I should just throw it away either.
In this box were the memories of a time of Peggy trying very hard to get her phlebotomy training and certification. It had been years since she had gone to school and studied so much. We had many desperate talks as she was often pushed to the point of wanting to give up. She confronted her self doubts, stayed the course and accomplished the goal. Our whole family was so happy for her and proud of her. She felt the same, something she hadn’t felt about herself for a long time. Peggy began working, and within a couple of years she had been let go from three different positions. She was actually great with many of the patients, and particularly the most resistant and difficult ones. Peggy knew how to connect and get them to cooperate. It was her volatile mood swings from loud laughing to burst of intense and apparently frighteningly intimidating anger that caused much of the staff to feel unsafe.
After the third dismissal from her position, Peggy slipped into a dark place of deep despair, fueled with intense lashing out anger. The initial blaming of others lost its strength with each firing. With the loss of the third job each of us in the family grieved how Peggy’s best efforts of great hope turned so badly for her. It was in this worst of time of broken dreams, damaged confidence, washed over by the wave of shame and embarrassment that actually brought Peggy to her true self. It was in this time of potential worst possible choices, she choose good. Peggy decided to take the most agonizing step of facing the way of her life over many years. She realized she was more out of control than she wanted to admit. She didn’t understand it all, yet she knew she needed help. Peggy came to herself, and reached to God in all her failures.Peggy began a long and consistent journey of doctors, medication and openness that in time brought healing to her. To this day my family, myself and Peggy consider her change that began in that dark place a miracle of God’s light and love reaching her.
The hope of Christ found in our darkest moments is His gift for our best life.
I am grateful for being in this journey with you,