Dear family and friends,
Being confused comes to most of us here and there. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who has walked up and down the rows and even floors of parking at Ala Moana looking for our elusive car. Memory seems like a cat that wanders off on its own. Fortunately, to return sooner than later. Its embarrassing and sometimes a parking spot seeker is following along hoping I find my car so they can park. Oh the pressure. I can laugh now, shaking my head in the moment, knowing it isn’t that big a deal and will probably happen again. Next time I try to do better remembering where I am before I head into the mall or theater. The momentary confusion and concern about losing my mind is recovered with some confidence fairly quickly. I found my way back to my car. Now if I can only remember where I am going now that I am back at my car. Ha.
It has been a bit heart breaking to witness confusion slipping up into my Mom’s mind more and more often. Her confusion has gone from simply forgetting where we parked sometimes, to forgetting why we even came to this place, as we are walking from the movie we just saw. I hear her frustration and sometimes deep discouragement with the haunting confusion capturing more and more of her present experiences. Yet she recovers in time and finds her way to proceed in life with an openness and joy to make the most of each day. She often apologizes for forgetting and being confused. I try my best to assure her, and even tell my own confusion stories. We laugh, and she says that its good to know she is not the only one.
Mom does have this remarkable clarity that God loves her and is with her. She is thankful and it gives her peace and confidence to step into each day, not quite so fearful of when confusion does come.
I was called this week from her living community. Her confusion seems to be coming more often and stronger. I am going over to arrange with a service to help her stay on her meds more regularly. We are hoping this will help decrease the confusion. It is important I am there to introduce this person to helping Mom. She still loves her independence. I will be gone from today, Sunday till Thursday.
These have been confusing times in many ways, yet the love of God and your caring friendship has bolstered my confidence in God’s faithfulness through what may come.
Thank you dear family,